Hey there, Cheese Chasers! Sorry it’s been awhile since the last post, but as we all know, good cheese don’t grow on trees. If it did, then even pussy vegans could eat it.
However, I am proud to announce that CheesenoChaser is back on track, and fully stocked for the coming weeks. Be on the lookout for updates from Havarti to Limburger. The cheese drawer is ready for some business time… and there ain’t nothing wrong with a lil’ bump and rind.
Baaazzzzziinnnngg.
So without further adieu, I present this week’s selection:
King’s Choice Smoked Cheese
“Gouda Style”
-Cow’s Milk
-Aged 1-2 months
-Imported from Germany, named for Gouda in the Netherlands
There’s an old saying that goes, “God does not give with both hands.” Inevitably, hot people like Matthew McConaughey will continue to piss me off with their awfulness, and great men like Abraham Lincoln will continue to be ugly as sin.1 It’s the nature of the universe.
Such is the case with King’s Choice Smoked Gouda: a trophy cheese. The kind of cheese you pay 300 bucks an hour to be your date for a high school reunion, to finally show that asshole Brad you have what it takes to be a man. For sure, this delectable, milky temptress will seduce you from across the bar. Your buds concur: solid 9 out of 10.
However, once you’ve sat down for a drink with this waxy rind whore, it becomes clear the one-dimensional nature of your relationship, squashing any hopes of romantic potential. Indeed, King’s Choice may be fit for a King… if that ruler was King John!2
All ridiculous, hit-and-miss comedy aside, this cheese is certainly great to look at. Slightly waxy, fairly malleable, smooth, rubbery, and coated in a delicious deep Autumn rind, King’s Choice is a good everyday cheese selection. The smell is subtle, but robust and definitely recognizable, like the sweet smokiness left on a sweater after last night’s bonfire. King’s scent is indicative of the rich smokehouse flavor to come.
Unfortunately, as foreshadowed by the hour spent at the bar with King’s Choice, discussing the critical significance of Wicked on Broadway, this cheese is nothing to write home about. Biting into this Gouda is like Maroon 5; if I forget my iPod in the car, I’ll listen to it… but I’m not exactly happy about it.
Similarly, King’s Choice isn’t a complex flavor. It’s creamy and rich, with a smoky aftertaste: straightforward, but this cheese definitely votes Republican. Overall, King’s Choice is a good everyday filler cheese, with a rich rind, and we gave it 2 out of 5 cubes.
1This is the first time that these two names have been included in the same sentence in the history of mankind.
2The douchebag from the legend of Robin Hood, brother to King Richard the Lionhearted (who wouldn’t be caught dead eating this cheese), widely understood to be the worst King of all time, in part due to his defeat at Normandy. He suffered a military defeat to the French. The fucking French. C’mon.
